(SNL Digital Short)
w/ Chris Parnell and Seth Meyers
Chris: We're sitting here today with film star Natilalie Portman.
Chris: So Natalie, tell us what a day in the life of Natalie Portman is like?
Natalie: Do you really want to know?
Chris: Please tell us.
I don't sleep motherf*cker off that Yak and the durbin'
Doin' 120 getting' head while I'm swerving
(Seth: Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick.)
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick.
I'm bustin' dudes valves like gushers motherf*cker.
Pull up to NBC and smack the sh*t outta Jeff Zucker.
What you want Natalie? (To drink and fight!)
What you need Natalie? (To f*ck all night!)
Don't test me when I'm crazy off that airplane group
Put my foot down your throat til your sh*t's in my shoe.
Leave you screamin, pay for my dry-cleaning
F*ck your man it's my name that he's screamin?
Chris: I'm sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?
Natalie: I never said that I was a role model
Chris: But, what about the kids that look up to you, do you have a message for them?
All the kids lookin up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman motherf*cker, drink til I'm sick
Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry
While I laugh, you die
And to all the dudes, you know I'm talking to you
(We love you Natalie!) I wanna f*ck you too!
(Hey!) It's for Portman!
(Hey!) It's for p*ssies!
I'll kill your f*ckin dog for fun, so don't push me
Chris: Well Natalie, I'm surprised, all this coming from a Harvard graduate?
Natalie: Well, there's a lot you may not know about me.
Chris: Really, such as?
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed everyday
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I gotta def posse, you gotta lot of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take sh*t
Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch (Hell Yeah!)
And I'll always pay for your dry-cleaning
When my sh*t gets in your shoe (What!)
As for the drug use
Well I can't vouch for that
My dick is scared of you (Ooh)
Chris: Natalie, one final question, if you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it?
Natalie: No more questions.